I'm dreading them, we talked about them at group today and I broke down, I talked about our christmas's and how mom always made all the treats, how we had cookie making day every year, who's going to make the treats? Who is going to make me feel special by doing little things that make me feel special. Mom always did that. If it was just a candybar that I liked, she'd give me it, or we'd be out xmas shopping and I'd be looking at something, she'd say, you like it? I'd say yeah it's cute, she's say okay early bday present or I'll give it to you for xmas early, she always gone out of her way to show me that I was special, that I was somebody, we had a really tight relationship. I keep on thinking about last year on turkey day we had a blast at the farm, mom had so much fun, every time I'd look at her she was either smiling or laughing or making an odd face like she always has done. I'm attaching a video that I shot from turkey day last year, you'll see in the beginning, she's just bobbing her head lol that totally makes me laugh!!!
17 comments:
Dawn,
Is the Parent Loss Group currently closed at the center?
The last one is on Monday but it starts up again some time in November
Do you have plans for the holiday? Are you spending some time with your family. I don't want you to be alone.
I'm going to my sisters for Thanksgiving. Rich and Shawn are going to Shawns brothers in omaha, so they are hosting a get together on the 18th. I'm not sure yet if I'm going because moms brothers and sisters are going to be there and there are some that I'd rather not see because the only time they were there for my mom was when she was dying, they never called her to see how she was doing and I know this because mom talked about it, it made her mad and I'm sure she was hurt. Now since mom's died, none of them with the exception of one, My Aunt Kathy has inquire how I'm doing, it's kind of hard to want to be around people that care about you from a distance.
thats harsh. those are some hurtful things to say. I wonder if we shouldn't all look in the mirror.
That's just how I feel. It may be harsh but it's how I feel. This is my blog and I do write what I feel, if someone doesn't like what's said then don't read the blog any more.
I know that in many families (mine included) most of the caring one gets is from a distance. It doesn't mean people care any less, it just means that they can't show it as often as we'd like. But everyone does the best they can. We all just make up for it when we do get together again.
I understand your point, however, did you have someone die that was the rock of your family? ( immediate family) did you have your brothers and or sister not contact you while you were sick but waited to be by your side while you were dying. They haven't been in our life prior, I'm just not interested in letting them into my heart because I don't want to be hurt, i'm looking out for myself and how my mother felt. I was always protective of her when she was a live and would ask her, has so and so called? She'd say no F em and it wasn't just family it was some of her friends too that she was really disappointed in. With that, you hurt my mom that hurts flows to me because I never wanted my mom to be hurt she should have had everyone rallying around her. I was with her threw the appts and I got alot of her anger that nobody saw, her sadness, her confusion. When you go through that you realize who are the ones you can really count on and the ones who really care. If someone says, I just can't deal with it, well that's selfish, it's not about that person it's about my mom and it's for her not for oneself.
Families are made up of individuals with different strengths. Some, like yourself, have the ability to be with someone while they are dying, going through all of the emotions that the person is feeling and doing all the most difficult tasks that have to be done.
Others don't have the strength that you have. I don't think it's being selfish to not be able to deal with it...I think they are unable to face the impending loss.
Because your mom was your rock, I think your strength enabled you to be her rock when she needed one. But she wasn't the rock in her brother's and sister's lives. When you put this together with them not having the same strengths as you, you end up with family members who didn't spend a lot of time with your mom at the end. But I do believe that each will end up being there for somebody when it's time.
Everybody has to deal with losing your mom in their own way. It looks like some of your family deals with it alone (by maintaining distance) and others through anger.
We wish you all the best during this process.
I appreciate your comment. and I understand how people take death differently. I guess I should already have known how my family is and I do, they are the type that doesn't want to deal with things. I'm the only one that likes to talk about things and that is very frustrating. Mom would even let me talk because she knew that about me. I just wish that the family was more intuitive about how her kids are doing and wish that they would have stood up for my mom and us kids by talking to Jerry. But they didn't want to get in the middle of it, I think that's unfair, we need help with that and nobody will help us.
Again I appreciate your comment and understand what you're saying. Thank you for acknowledging me as being moms rock while she was sick, I really took pride in how well I did, I thought I would break, but I just waited til she was gone to do it.
Hi Dawn,
It's been 2 weeks since you've updated your blog. We are wondering how you are doing. Can you add a new page?
We care!
yes, we do
I do too!
Me too
Dawn, are you not using this blog anymore?
My internet was shut off so I haven't been able to update at all.
I'm at my sisters now, hopefully it will be back up soon.
Dawn: This is Debbie and John writing in. Sounds like you had a fun time at Julie's for Thanksgiving! I keep thinking about your mom's birthday coming up on the 15th of this month and how we would always go out to lunch while working at the DNR. And then how much she enjoyed you kids and grandkids, especially during the holiday season. I am sorry the situation with Jerry is so disheartening for you and your family. I knew that would be a tough situation for all of you. Have you made it back to the farm again, or had any further conversations with him? Is he getting any better? He needs some prayers, as we all do. It sounds as though you are doing what is best for you and we wish you the best of luck with dealing with your depression. Enjoy the holiday season and know that your mom is fine and watching over you like a guardian angel.
Sincerely and with concern,
Debbie and John
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